someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize