I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i think im in europe. pls send help
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