we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
