Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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