pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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