Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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