me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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