Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize