I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
