i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
