either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
