My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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