Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
someone owes me an orgasm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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