Michael Bay diarrhea
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
