Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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