I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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