So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
