There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
