You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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