If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
