I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize