3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
