Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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