that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize