the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
