Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
