he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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