You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize