Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
