She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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