i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They took my balls.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
