so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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