I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
3 2 1 whiskey
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
