Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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