Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
