I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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