I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
