I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dick very happy bro
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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