Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
