How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
