So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
