Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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