The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
