woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize