you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
