So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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