We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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