this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize