Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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