6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
