He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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