Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize