I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And then he peed in my hair
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