before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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