I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
