I hate your face
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
