I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
