Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
