Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
