If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
