Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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