With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
