I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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