just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
