I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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