So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
