So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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