The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
