someone threw a dead crab at me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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