she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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