she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize