I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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