He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
