The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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