she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
