She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
