so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i will never coherently bang her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
sarcasm needs its own font
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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