Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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