this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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