You work out of a Hotel?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
