let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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