my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
