is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize