She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
