he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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