:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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