i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
