Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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