Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
