Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
