i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
