i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
