I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
