So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
