im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
