I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
