Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
