Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
